Miserable At Best
by katelyncarlilee
Summary: Phil is stuck in an abusive relationship. Chris wants to save him, but some things are harder then they seem. -Punkicho. Rated M. Full list of warnings inside.-
1. Chapter 1

_**Well, here it is. The rewrite of Save Me. Hope you enjoy xx**_

**Miserable At Best**

**Chapter 1**

**Word Count: 1,879**

**Warnings: Abuse, violence, angst, self-harm, depression, smut.**

* * *

Hiccuping sobs where the only sounds to be hear from the hotel room of Phil Brooks and Randy Orton. The smaller man of the two lay on the hard, cold tiles of the bathroom floor, stretched out into the shape of a star. Everything hurt, and it was impossible for him to get comfortable.

It was one hour until Smackdown, and Phil knew he had to get up and go. Unfortunately, Phil was booked to compete, even though he knew he shouldn't. Five minutes later, he finally pulled himself up off the floor. He winced as he put pressure on his left leg, the pain very noticeable but not quite unbearable.

He opened the bathroom door and limped over to bed. All he really wanted was to fall on the bed and sleep forever, but he knew that wasn't an option. He wiped his face and grabbed his phone, texting his best friend.

_Hey, have you left yet? -Phil_

_just leaving now, why? -Chris_

_Can I get a ride with you? Randy's left already. -Phil_

_sure, meet me in the lobby in 5 -Chris_

_Thanks. -Phil_

He tucked his phone into his pocket and grabbed his gym bag. He forced his feat into his beat-up old high-top converse and headed out the door, wiping his face one last time.

He limped his way over to the elevator and pressed the 'lobby' button. He was on the 11th floor, so it was a bit of a lengthily travel.

Once the elevator opened, he spotted Chris, who was standing over by the revolving doors that led outside.

"Oh god, are you alright?" Chris asked as Phil slowly approached him.

"Yeah." The smaller man whispered, looking down.

"What happened?"

Phil was unresponsive, and Chris immediately knew.

"Hey man, I'm sorry.." The older one said, wrapping his free arm around Phil and leading him outside.

Phil just shrugged. "It's not your fault."

"Yeah, but you didn't do anything to deserve this." Chris said as they climbed into the rental car.

"Yeah I did." Phil mumbled once they were driving.

"What could you have honestly done to deserve _this_?" Chris asked.

"I don't know I just.. Did something. I mean, he wouldn't do this to me if I didn't, right?"

"Phil, Randy is just a dick. You didn't do anything to him, not to deserve this. Honestly, I think you should leave him. He doesn't deserve you, and you don't deserve this." Chris said, gesturing towards the black eye Phil sported.

"But I love him.." Phil whispered, looking down.

He wasn't lying. He _did_ still love Randy. They'd been together for, what, two years? Randy used to be the best boyfriend anyone could ask for. Phil knew Randy _use_ to love him, and he knew he still loved Randy, but he also knew that the feeling wasn't mutual any longer. Randy was the greatest boyfriend ever.

And then the beatings started.

Phil knew something had to be going on with Randy, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. Something _had_ to have set him off.

"I know you do, but is this what you really want?" Chris asked, and he had a point. It wasn't what Phil wanted.

Phil didn't answer.

The rest of the 15 minute ride was silent, minus the sniffles coming from Phil every now and again.

* * *

The broken, pained looked in Phil's eyes didn't go unnoticed by Dolph Ziggler as he made his way to the ring. Phil put on his signature CM Punk smirk and limped to the ring with as much confidence as he could, but Dolph could see through it.

Once the match had started, Punk and Dolph locked up, and Dolph got the upper hand as soon as he pushed against Punk's right arm. Dolph noticed this, too; Punk always put up a fight. He never just gave up like that.

One suplex and a few kicks to Punk's injured knee later and Punk just rolled out of the ring. He quickly limped his way backstage, fighting back tears all the while.

"And the winner of this match, via count-out, Dolph Ziggler!" Justin Roberts announced as Dolph's music hit.

"Shit, Phil, let's get you to the hospital." Chris said as he hurried over to the injured man.

"N-No." Punk hissed.

"Why not? You can hardly stand up on your own!"

"Be-Because.." Phil whispered, looking around at all of the familiar faces, all of their eyes filled with shame.

Chris sighed. "Fine then, lets go to the trainers."

Phil nodded weakly and leaned against Chris as they walked to the trainer.

"Phil! Are you alright?" Nikki Bella exclaimed as her and her sister ran over to him.

"Uh, yeah.."

"What happened? I mean, it couldn't have been Dolph, the match only went on for like a minute.." Brie said skeptically.

The twins knew Randy was abusive, but Phil always denied it. The girls took every chance they could to get him to open up to them. Phil had told them about his trust issues, and they knew most of the roster disliked him, but they weren't like everyone else. They weren't trying to hurt him, they wanted to help him. The two just hoped Chris had this under control.

"Uhm I gotta get to the trainers.." Phil mumbled, limping away as fast as he could, which admittedly was not fast at all.

"Wait, Chris?" Nikki called, stopping Chris as he followed the younger man.

"Mhm?"

"Please, don't let Randy near Phil. Let him stay with you tonight, we know Randy did that to him, but I don't wanna know what else he can do. Please?" Nikki pleaded.

"You don't know shit," Randy's deep, angry voice growled from behind the two. "Now where is Phil."

"I um... uh.." Nikki stuttered before the two girls hurried away.

"So?" Randy turned to Chris. "Where is he?"

Chris knew if he didn't tell Randy, it would make this worse for Phil. "Trainers. He's hurt real bad, not that you would care."

"Now, what makes you think I don't care? He is _my_ boyfriend." Randy said, almost rubbing it in Chris's face.

"You don't deserve him. Phil is perfect, he deserves much better then what he's got." Chris spat as he strut away.

Randy followed close behind. "It doesn't get better then this."

Chris ignored the mans cocky remark. Sure, Chris had always thought Randy was extremely good looking, but he ruined it with his personality.

The two arrived at the trainers room, and Phil was nowhere to be found.

Chris groaned. He knew Phil wouldn't let any doctors look at him. While anyone else would think it was because Phil didnt want anyone to know the full damage of what Randy did, Chris knew it was because he was extremely self-conscious. He didn't like to have anyone look at him that closely, for he was afraid they would point out his flaws to him. These feelings had started when Randy had started telling him all of the things that were physically wrong with him.

Phil's feelings of self hate had gotten so bad that he could hardly force himself to go out to the ring in his ring gear, which is why he'd started wearing his shirts when he wrestled. When Phil could help it, he wouldn't let his own boyfriend see him shirtless, but Randy was very.. forceful, so Phil never really had much of a choice.

Chris hurried off to Phil and Randy's dressing room, hoping he was there.

Chris knocked on the door. "Phil?"

No answer.

Chris was about to knock again, but before he could Randy pushed the unlocked door open. The room was empty.

"Ah, shit." Chris mumbled.

Chris wandered around the arena in search of Phil (with Randy following him, of course) for a good 10 minutes before he spotted him at catering.

He was sitting at a table with Kofi Kingston, the two chatting while Kofi ate.

Chris remembered Phil telling him that he hated the food at catering, because it was 90% meat, and Phil was a pescetarian.

"Hey baby." Randy purred as they approached the table.

He sat in the chair next to Phil, scooted over as close to him as he could, and wrapped an arm around him. Phil tensed, truly scared of the man.

"H-Hi." Phil stuttered, turning in his chair to face the man he'd fallen in love with.

The devious look in Randy's eyes scared the shit out of Phil.

"Mmm, you look so beautiful.." Randy mumbled, running his hands up and down Phil's sides.

Randy capture Phil's lips in a forceful kiss, wrapping his arms around the smaller mans waist. Phil knew that if he fought Randy off, he wouldn't be able to move the next morning, so he wrapped his arms around Randy's neck and kissed back.

"Ugh, get a room." Kofi groaned.

Randy pulled back and smirk. "Gladly."

He grabbed Phil's hand and lead him to their locker room, Phil with his head hung in shame. He knew exactly what Randy wanted, and if he didn't give it to him, there'd be serious consequences. Randy was basically a sex-crazed teenager who would fuck anyone -or anything- he could. Phil knew that he wasn't the only one Randy slept with. He knew that his boyfriend had slept with 75% of the roster, and it hurt. He still loved Randy, and wished Randy loved him, but knew he didn't.

The two entered the locker room and Phil sighed, knowing what was about to come. Not that he didn't enjoy the sex, hell, Randy was amazing in bed, but he knew Randy's heart wasn't in it, and Phil wasn't the kind of person to sleep with someone just for the pleasure. If he could help it, he wouldn't fuck Randy, but he knew what the outcome would be, which was way worse then letting Randy use him.

Randy shut and locked the door, then turned to Phil. He immediately pressed his lips to Phil's, kissing him hungrily. The smaller man kissed back as Randy's hands made their way to Phil's ass. Randy backed the smaller man against the wall and squeezed Phil's ass, instructing him to jump. Phil did so, wrapping his legs around his boyfriends waist.

Randy bit down on Phil's lip ring, making his gasp. The larger man used this to his advantage and slipped his tongue into the older mans mouth.

A few minutes later, Randy broke the kiss, moving his lips to Phil's neck. He kissed and nipped at the sensitive flesh as he rubbed his crotch against Phil's. The older man let out a soft moan as he felt Randy's hard cock grind against his.

Randy used his free hand to massaged Phil's growing erection through his pants.

"Fuuuckk.." Phil moaned as Randy stroke him to full hardness.

Then, there was a knock at the door.

"Randy, five minutes till your match!" A crew member called.

"Ah, shit." Randy murmured.

He let Phil down gently. "We'll finish this later."

Phil nodded as he leaned against the wall. "I'm probably gonna go back to the hotel.." He trailed off, as if asking for permission.

"Alright." Randy kissed him once more. "I love you."

And as much as it hurt, Phil knew those words were untrue.


	2. Chapter 2

**Miserable At Best**

**Chapter 2**

**Word Count: 1, 476**

**Warnings: bxb, smut, language, sex, angst**

* * *

Phil turned over in the overly comfortable hotel bed. It was nearly 2 in the morning, but he couldn't sleep. This always happened after he'd let Randy violate him. The feeling of shame always kept him awake.

He looked at the sleeping figure beside him. Randy was so beautiful, Phil almost couldn't stop staring at him. Realizing how creepy it was, he tore his eyes away and stood up. He creeped over to his suitcase and dressed himself in sweat pants and his 'Best In The Word' tee, along with a dark grey hoodie. He put his shoes on, grabbed his phone and key-card, and quickly left the room.

He took the elevator down to the lobby, where the only person in sight was the lady at the desk. She gave him a strange look but he just brushed it off, leaving the hotel.

He wandered the streets of whatever city they were in aimlessly, trying to clear his head. He felt so disgusted with himself. He'd given himself to Randy again. He felt like such a slut. He knew that he'd let Randy fuck him because he was afraid, but he also knew he couldn't refuse him cause he wanted it. Randy had taken all of his self respect, and now he wanted it. Phil wanted Randy to abuse him, to use his body. He felt so awful, so nasty. Even though he'd let Randy do this to him before, it was now that he realized he _wanted_ it, and it made him feel lower then shit.

Phil sat against a brick wall and curled in on himself. He just wanted to disappear.

He pulled his phone out and open his GPS. He had absolutely no idea where he was, but he wanted to go back the hotel before Randy realized he was gone.

He punched in the name of the hotel and results popped up immediately. The GPS told him he was sitting against a 24 hour bar, which made him wanted to leave even more.

He jumped slightly as he heard Randy's theme music playing from his phone.

"Hello?" He said as he answered the phone.

"Where are you? I just woke up and you were gone.."

"Sorry, I went for a walk. I needed air." Phil breathed, wishing he'd warn a warmer jacket.

"When are you coming back?" Randy asked with a yawn.

"Right now. I'll be there in a few minutes." Phil murmured before hanging up.

He tucked his phone away and stood up. He pulled his hood over his head and started walking with his head down, until he bumped into someone.

Phil backed up quickly and looked up to see who he'd ran into. Chris.

"Hey.." Phil mumbled.

"What're you doing out here?"

"I couldn't sleep so I went for a walk.. Why're you out here?"

"I was drinking with some of the guys," Chris explained. "But I got tired so I'm just heading back."

"Will you walk with me? I forgot how to get back.." Phil mumbled, ignoring the fact that he had a GPS so he could spend time with Chris.

"Sure." The older man smiled, walking with Phil.

"I-I'm sorry about earlier," Phil sighed. "I just.. He would've hurt me if I didn't-"

"If you should be saying sorry to anyone, it's yourself." Chris said with a sigh.

"Wha-?"

"I think you know what I meant." Chris said, eyeing him suspiciously. "You let him have you, eh?"

Phil was a little shocked at what Chris said. "I-I um.. I-"

"You're so much better then that, Phil." Chris whispered, looking down.

That hit Phil in the heart. The disappointment in Chris's voice made him feel worse then he did before.

"I just wanna disappear." Phil mumbled.

"What?"

"I wanna disappear." Phil repeated, louder this time. "I'm so disgusted with myself.. I'm such a fucking slut."

Chris went on to tell him he wasn't a slut, but Phil wasn't listening. He was think about what had happened earlier that night.

_"Hey, baby." Randy purred, licking his lips as he entered the hotel room._

_"Hey." Phil said as he locked his phone and set it on the bedside table._

_"Now, where were we.." Randy murmured, climbing on to of Phil._

_He grabbed hold of Phil's hands, pinning them above his head before he pressed his lips to Phil's. The smaller man kissed back immediately, wanting it just as much as his boyfriend._

_Randy didn't waste any time as he broke the kiss and pulled Phil's shirt off, then his own. He trailed a line of kisses from Phil's jaw down to his jeans. He looked up at Phil, eyes filled with lust as he undid the older mans button with his teeth, then did the same to his zipper. He then pulled Phil's pants down, bringing his boxers with them, leaving him naked. Phil gasped as the cold air hit his semi-hard cock._

_Phil got on his knees, then crawled over to Randy. "You're wearing far too many clothes."_

_He forcefully pulled Randy's pants down, and, much to his delight, Randy hadn't bothered with underwear._

_"Mmm.." Randy moaned, loving the sight of his boyfriend on his knees in front of him. "On your hands and knees. Now."_

_Phil immediately obeyed the order, getting on all fours. He waited for Randy's hard cock to fill him up, but it never did. Instead, he felt a warm, wet tongue plunge into his hole._

_"Fuuuck.." The older man moaned as his boyfriend tongue-fucked him._

_Several moments later, Randy pulled his long tongue out and grabbed a bottle of lube from his bag. He squirted a generous amount on to his hand, moaning as he coated his cock with the orange-flavored lube._

_"You ready?" Randy whispered into Phil's ear seductively._

_Phil whimpered in response, nodding frantically. Without further ado, Randy forced the full length of his hard cock into Phil's tight heat, earning a mew of pleasure from the smaller man._

_"So fucking t-tight.." Randy moaned as he thrust deep into Phil's willing hole._

_"F-Fuck Randy..!" Phil screamed, his boyfriends large cock stabbing his prostate with each hard thrust._

_Extremely sluttish moans came from Phil's far-from-innocent mouth as he allowed the Viper to violate him yet again._

_"Shit baby, 'm so close.." Randy slurred, feeling his orgasm creeping up on him extremely fast._

_"M-Me too.. Randy I'm gonna..." Phil gave Randy very little notice before he came hard, in messy spasms all over the bed and his stomach._

_The feeling of Phil's cavity squeezing down on his cock was too much to handle and he came, a loud roar ripping from his throat as he shot his seed deep into Phil's ass._

_A few shaky thrust later Randy pulled out, panting heavily._

_"Now go clean up, slut." Randy demanded, slapping Phil across the face roughly._

_Phil nodded an hurried off to the bathroom, sighing as he realized what he'd done._

The two walked into the hotel in silence and rode the elevator up. They were both on the same floor, so there were no stops.

"I'm sorry." Chris said quietly. "I shouldn't have said anything. It's not any of my business."

"It's okay. I just.. I know it upsets you when he hurts me.. I wish I could do something to defend myself, but I'm just so scared." Phil said, his voice breaking at the end.

"I know, Phil." Chris said with a sigh as the got off the elevator. "If Randy gets too bad and you need to get away, you know where to find me."

Phil nodded and they went their separate ways.

* * *

"Hey Kofi." Phil said, smiling at his road wife.

"Hey." He responded, looking at Phil with a look of pity.

"Don't look at me like that." Phil sighed.

"Sorry mate. But uh, if you need to talk to someone, you can always talk to me."

"Look, if this about yesterday then you can stop. Nothing happened."

"Don't lie to me, Phil. I talked to Chris, he told me about last night." Kofi said, shaking his head.

"Kofi, don't."

"Don't what?"

"Just.. Don't." Phil sighed and walked away, tears in his eyes.

"Oh Phil, you're falling apart.." Kofi mumbled sadly, shaking his head and walking the other direction.

* * *

"Oh Punk, get over yourself." Randy said, rolling his eyes. "You're nothing. You can't wrestle, you don't deserve to be a part of the WWE. You're a slut, you'll screw anything with a dick. You're an idiot. You're ugly as shit. You don't have anything going for you, except me. And, guess what? You don't even have _me _anymore. You're worthless. Have a nice life."

Randy laughed as he left the hotel room with the slam of a door. He was going to Cody's, so he said. He grabbed all his stuff and just left.

Phil had never felt so alone.


	3. Chapter 3

**Miserable At Best**  
**Chapter 3**  
**Word Count: 1,017**

* * *

"Why the hell would you do this, Phil?" Jeff whispered, cradling Phil's bloodied arm.

Phil didn't say anything, just stared at his arm.

There were three shallow cuts that hardly bled, and five deep cuts that were bleeding profusely. His arm was stained red, and his whole body was shaking. He felt dizzy, light-headed, like he was gonna pass out.

The last thing he remembered was Jeff carrying him to his rental car before everything went black.

* * *

When Chris was woken up by his ringing phone at 2 in the morning, he was not happy. Until, that is, he saw it was Phil calling.

"Philly? Is everything all right?"

"Jeffy, actually." The younger man said with a sad laugh. "Could you maybe come to the hospital?"

Chris was entirely awake now. "What happened? Is Phil alright?"

"He's uh.. He'll be alright." Jeff whispered. "He wants you. Come to the hospital."

Before Chris could even agree, Jeff hung up. He jumped out of bed and dressed quickly. Panicking, he grabbed his phone, wallet and keys, running out of the hotel to his rental.

Thoughts of what could've happened to Phil, what he could've done to Phil flooded his mind as he sped to the hospital, narrowly avoiding getting pulled over.

"I'm looking for Phil Brooks." Chris breathed once he ran into the hospital.

"May I see your drivers license, please?" The nurse asked with a polite smile.

"Sure?" He pulled his license from his wallet and handed it over to her. "Why do you need this?"

She nodded and handed back the card. "Mr. Brooks has requested that a man named Randall Orton be kept away from him. He's in the emergency room actually, just go to the end of that hallway." She said as she pressed a button, opening the doors to the emergency room.

"Thanks." He said with a small smile, tucking his wallet away and going down the hall.

He could see strands of Jeff's multicolored hair through a small gap in the curtain and knew where to go.

"Philly, what happened?" He asked as he pulled the curtain open.

"I cut." Phil stated simply, looking Chris straight in the eyes.

There was a dead look in Phil's eyes. There was no emotion, just emptiness.

"What do you mean 'you cut'?"

"I cut." Phil repeated, nodding down to his bandaged arms. "Sixteen stitches."

Chris felt like he was going to break down.

"Oh, Philly, why?" The older man wrapped his arms around his best friend.

"Because I'm nothing."

"Well, Mr. Brooks, it appears you have a concussion on top of your injuries. How did this happen?"

"I was in a match last night." Phil whispered. "I hit my head on the ring post."

One thing that Phil was happy about, was that he was a convincing liar.

"Alright. Well take it easy for the next week, I advise that you don't compete in any matches or work out. Also, we aren't going to force you into anything, but we would like you to talk to one of our psychiatrists before you leave. We aren't going to push you into anything, but we would be able to decide if there's any other disorders I didn't catch earlier.

Phil shook his head. "I'm sorry, I'm just.." He trailed off, avoiding eye contact.

"That's okay, I understand." The doctor scribbled something onto a slip of paper.

"You should get this filled on your way home. You can head off whenever you're ready." The doctor handed Phil a prescription for Prozac, gave him a smile and walked off.

"Can we uh, leave?" Phil mumbled, playing with his hands.

"Who're you stayin' with tonight?" Jeff asked.

"Randy..?"

"Like hell you are. Chris or me?"

"I think he should come with me." Chris spoke up. "We're staying in the same hotel, so I can get his stuff in the morning.."

Jeff nodded. "Kay. I'm gonna take off now. Call me tomorrow, please."

Then Jeff disappeared.

An awkward silence fell over the two before Chris spoke up.

"Let's go, then." Chris whispered, standing up.

Phil stood, too, and the two walked out of the emergency room.

;line break;

When Phil awoke the next morning, he was surprised to find himself on a hotel bed. After quite a debated last night, it was decided that Phil would take the couch, though Chris argued that the younger man was injured and should take the bed.

He sat up and stretched, scanning the room with his eyes. No one else was in the room, he realized. Where could Chris be?

Almost as if on cue, his phone buzzed.

hey, i went to get your prescription filled. be back soon xx -Chris

xx? Did Chris just send him kisses?

Mkay. -Phil

The Second City Saint got up and quietly walked over to the bathroom. He glanced at his phone; it was 1:37PM. That was odd, because Phil could hardly ever sleep at all. He always found himself falling asleep at 2 or 3 and waking at 6. He'd gotten at least 10 hours of sleep, which was extremely unusual.

Phil frowned as he walked into the bathroom, feelings of self hate washing over him as he looked in the mirror. Randy's words rang through his head. Disgusting. Pathetic. Ugly. Fat. Nothing. Slut. Idiot. Worthless.

A tear slowly made its way down his face as he chewed on his lip ring.

I fucking hate myself. He thought enviously.

"Phil? Where are you?" A worried voice called from the other room.

"In here.." Phil whispered softly, wiping his face.

"You okay?"

Phil nodded weakly. "Randy's just.. He's beat me down, ya know? I don't.. like myself anymore. At all."

Chris frowned and put an hand on Phil's shoulder. "You're beautiful, Phil. Whatever Randy has said to you has been a lie. You're fucking amazing, and it hurts me to see you upset like this."

Phil smiled a little "Thanks. I needed that.."

"It's nothing. Come on, lets get some breakfast. Or.. lunch."

Phil nodded and followed Chris out of the bathroom, trying to think of ways to get out of having to eat.

* * *

el oh el this succckkkkeed. wweeeell fanks for reading :3 love ya


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